No seriously, I’m an author!

Writer

No seriously, I'm a author

Had I known that telling people I’m an author came with the same barrage of predictable questions every single time, I might have had the foresight to arm myself with a recorded, automated response I could play every time someone asks…

And what do you do?

At this point I know I can look forward to at least one of the following questions;

  1. “An author? Really?” They might ask as they look at me with suspicious disbelief. Because aren’t real authors serious, intellectual, poetry musing people with neat little haircuts like Donna Tartt and fancy British accents?
  2. “An author, how lovely?” They say, while looking at me in a patronizing manner, as if they’re imagining some whimsical version of me sitting under a blossom tree at the bottom of an English country garden scribbling little notes in calligraphy on old bits of papyrus. “How sweet.
  3. They might then ask, “but how much money do you make writing books?” Because it’s perfectly ok to ask a person about their earnings. That’s not rude at all.
  4. “And what do you write?” They often ask. And when I reply with a, ‘mainly romantic comedies’ they reply with a knowing, “Oooohhh, I see!” Their suspicions about me have just been confirmed; because real writers don’t write romance. Undersexed, bored housewives with nothing better to do now that little Jimmy has left home write romance. “Oh, so you write books about greasy, shirtless fireman who save bare-breasted virgins from burning buildings and then shag them all the way into Sunday?”
  5. They may also start telling me about their brilliant idea for a book, the one they have been meaning to write for soooo long, but haven’t had any spare time. (It is also the worst idea in the world.)
  6. They often ask how I come up with the ideas? As if that’s an easy answer.
  7. Or they might ask me what else I do, since being an author is not a serious, real job, right?
  8. And then the most bizarre one by far, ‘What do you write, children’s books?’ (I suspect this question has more to do with my appearance than anything else.)

To avoid the inevitable tedium, I’ve debated the pros and cons of telling people that I’m either an undertaker or a hooker. I’m pretty sure that telling people you work with dead bodies all day over hors d’oeuvres is a conversation killer. Likewise, I’m sure that telling someone you stand on a street corner while doing the soccer mom run will also shut them up.

But,  of course, I don’t. So when asked what I do I shrug, I look wildly disinterested (I might even roll my eyes and make a tisking sound) and I mutter something or other under my breath about ‘working for myself’ and then I very quickly add a, “And what do you do?”

 

*Jo Watson is an award-winning author of romantic comedies. Her book Burning Moon is coming out in August this year and will be translated into French, German and Italian. Her books have been read over 18 Millions times online on Wattpad and she is represented my Erica Spellman of the Trident Media Group. You can pre-order her book here.

http://www.amazon.com/Burning-Moon-Jo-Watson-ebook/dp/B01ARXVTE0/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1461057653&sr=8-1

 

17 thoughts on “No seriously, I’m an author!

  1. My mother is an author, so whenever anyone asked,”What does your mom do?” this would happen. Other kids could just say firefighter, nurse, astronaut or whatever without being further questioned but I’d be interviewed. Sometimes later the adult who had previously given me that “Well, isn’t that sweet” face would say, “Kelsey, your mom has books published! She’s a REAL author!” to which I’d want to reply, “I know idiot. That’s what I told you.” They would’ve found her books at Barnes and Noble or on Amazon, so now they actually believed me.

    I’ve only just started the process of freelancing. And honestly the thing I had to come to terms with the most when it came to the idea of writing was that, even if it worked and I made a career out of it, not a soul would ever believe me.

    Also, thanks for the follow so that I could find your blog in return. And welcome to the neighbourhood. WordPress is a nice place.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I often get #4 but I haven’t published anything yet, so I try to hide my excitement in fear of it being crushed. I feel as if people have a preconceived perception of what a writer/author does.

    Like

  3. How about that little addition to #5, when they roll their eyes and say “You’re so lucky you have the time to write,” because clearly they are so busy being important to the world that they couldn’t waste their precious time doing something so self-indulgent!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. And my all time favorite when you tell people you’re an author-
    “So do you write about the girl child or women’s rights?”
    “Uhhm no, I write comedy, sci-fiction and such”
    “Oh. Well you should try writing about real world problems, stuff that actually matters.”
    And I’m like really? So writing fiction and romance is a waste of time and not worth the paper or pen it’s on.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. OMG, what an awesome post! Loved and chuckled over every word. #5 is the one I get the most. Seriously, does everyone on the planet think they’re going to write a book? #5 is inevitably the reply I get when I say I’m an author. Almost immediately I hear “Oh yeah. I’ve been meaning to write a book, too.” Either that or…”I’ve got a great idea for a story. You should write it.” *grinding teeth* And then there is always “My life would make a great book. Let me tell you about it.” At which point I look for the nearest exit 😀

    Liked by 1 person

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